February 2012
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The people I hurt most are here, but you’re not.
How is that?
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Put too much hope into something, and it becomes all you have.
Last thoughr before I finish the night. I just wanted to be in love and feel like it was real for once. the kind of thing you can write a story about. The kind of thing you fight and live for.
not my thing iguess. that’s what I get for believing.
I just realized something. Writing that about my brother.
Of all the things I carry. Of all the pain and anger at myself I carry.
My brother is why I hate myself. Nothing else compares, and it never dawned on me till now.
I was terrible. Terrible, terrible to him. I treated him so poorly. His childhood was ruined beacaue I didn’t help him out when he asked. Because I left him alone when...
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Memory Log
I suppose if I’m going to do this, I should before I go any further tonight.
Log 2.
—-
Devon Cenac. Her and I had known each other for sometime, but had never really been that close. Until the Dallas trip. It was kind of a surprising thing. We began talking to each other about our problems and then, it just happened. One night texting. There was no flirting, it just kinda was an...
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One thing I think about a lot is if there is any longing. Like, if it’s missed at all.
And then I realize there isn’t and it makes what I’m doing more reasonable.
The Real Folk Blues...
hitthawall:
I only want to know what true sadness is. Sitting in muddy water isn’t such a bad life if it ends after the first time
I hate having white sheets. They stain too easily.
One last thing.
This isn’t your fault, and it has nothing to do with you anymore.
This is my life, and I’ve known from the outset, this was likely going to be how it went. I really am sorry. In retrospect, It was all a mistake. You’re so young, and I really hope this era doesn’t cause any more problems for you. It’d give me one more reason to hate who I am.
...
I wish I had a dog.
I truly believe, that some people’s fates are scripted. I think that there are some times where, no matter how hard you try to escape the truth, it will always catch you. I think I’m a good example of that. I live in a world where, I really don’t fit in anywhere. The chances I’ve had to be happy, and take advantage of the things I wanted, I’ve always ruined them....
You better bet your life, this is what I’ll say.
Just give it away. I can’t take it where I’m going anyway.
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Memory Log
The painkillers are working, but I’m not quite sleepy enough yet. I decided I wanted to write down and share my best memories over the next few days. I want a log here to prove that I do have happy memories. Moments that made my life worth living.
Log 1:
The earliest happy memory I can recall was when I was four. My Dad took us all to the MMR Easter thing. I remember riding this train...
Anonymous asked: You're so sad. For someone so arrogant you're a huge hypocrite.
My body is not happy with me.
I just woke up in extreme agony. My stomach is on fire, and there is a searing pain all along my midsection.
I haven’t felt hungover or thrown up, even after last night. So that’s good. Being fat has it’s advantages. Even when you haven’t drank in years.
I’ve been needing to see a doctor a long time. I’ve been ignoring an...
“Memories are nice, but that’s all they are.”
So this is that ‘bein young’ thing you craved.
I see why, its nice.
almost there
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First time I’ve been wasted in a long, long time.
I see why people do it as often as they do. Makes nights go by smoothly.
This pain is searing.
But there is a tenderness to it. Like a guiding hand in the dark, showing me where to go.
Maybe, it’s finally time.
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Chemicals Collide: Maybe I'm too lost to be found →
kellakillah:
And then you come around to me and I find myself again. Just when I think she’s lost, you bring out the best in me. You always ask me why I’m always smiling around you, well it’s because I can’t stop. I enjoy every moment with you, and I firmly believe that I always will. I consider our little…
I feel like there’s two ton weights on my shoulders.
I’m so sleepy. School resumes Monday. The only things I ever looked forward to, the things that made me happy are fading away. It feels like a distant dream now.
How do I make the weight depart?
When some of the Finns I follow make a post in...
failureisntfallingdown:
I just sit here Smiling Not understanding a word But still smiling Because my Finns and their language Are beautiful And flawless
Nothing left inside.
